Last Thursday, I had the opportunity to listen to Jennifer Wallace, author of the excellent book Never Enough, speak at the New Canaan Library about her book and research. Her book is centered on some of the challenges of so-called “achievement culture,” the pressure so many children feel to perform at very high levels from young ages, that is prevalent in our society. In both her book and fascinating lecture, she cited the ways that this pressure connects with the mental health crisis and other major issues facing our children.
Importantly, she also spends as much time expanding on solutions that actually result in higher achievement over the long time. The primary concept is mattering – the idea that one is valued for who they are deep at their core, independent of their achievements, successes, and failures, and, critically, that they are also depended upon to add meaningful value back (to their family, community, school, society, etc.) As an example of the psychological importance of this mindset, she shared that, for those who know they matter, “setbacks are not an indictment of who they are as people because they know that even if they fail, they are still valuable.”
As I was listening to her, I thought about NCCS and the many ways we show our students that they matter. Foundationally, we know and love each student individually, understanding their learning style, personality, interests, and talents, and we work to honor and celebrate them. We know that it is critical for them to understand their own value here at NCCS. Equally importantly, we work to make it clear that we expect them to add value back to our school community.
We encourage our students to have a point of view and the skills to express it. In my recent blog “It’s Never Too Early for Public Speaking”, students are asked in most classes to contribute to classroom “agreements” about how everyone wants to act in class, and students are expected to serve in leadership roles, in small ways like class jobs and larger ones like leading assemblies and serving as class president. Our students bring value to NCCS themselves in many ways, and I am proud that each of these components, developed for several reasons, is centered around our students understanding that they matter.
Reflecting on Ms. Wallace’s wise words, one piece of parenting advice stands out. She got it from the researcher Suniya Luther, with whom NCCS worked in the past, and it is simple yet profound. I offer it to you on this long weekend when I hope you are in the middle of some meaningful family time: minimize criticism and prioritize affection. It makes me smile thinking of our students receiving this sort of attention from their parents just as they do so often at school.
Letters from Aaron 